Since it’s February, I thought I would review some relationship books. Most of them will be by the same person, Shaunti Feldhahn, an analyst who does statistical surveys to crunch the numbers.
That makes my Type 5 heart proud.
The first book is from a pair I got from a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember marriage conference. I shouldn’t have read it. I broke the rules.
For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men
“In For Women Only, Evangelical Christian author, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals what every woman‒single or married‒needs to know. Based on rigorous research with thousands of men, Shaunti delivers one revelation after another, including:
– Why your respect means more to him than your love.
– How he feels deep inside about his role as provider.
– What it means for a man to be so visually “wired.”
– Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical.
– What he most wishes he could say to you.”
If you want to figure out your man, read this book. I read it because I wanted to see if Shaunti was a quack.
It was eye-opening, putting to words what I’ve never been able to.
I have the hard copy, so no notes besides what I type. I will tell you the eight revelations and what Shaunti says are women’s surface understanding and what that means in practice.
1: “Men need respect.” In practice, the surveys found that men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.
2: “Men are insecure.” The survey said, “Despite their “in control” exterior, men often feel like impostors and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered.” True for me.
3: “Men avoid issues by checking out.” Actually, “Men address issues by first pulling away to process and think–so they can better talk about them later.”
4: “Men are providers.” In practice, the surveys found that even if you’re the breadwinner and live comfortably, men still feel the mental burden to provide.
5: “Men want more sex.” Survey says…”Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.”
6: “Men are visual.” It’s a fact that even happily-married-men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women. They don’t go away, and they’ll just pop up in our mind’s eyes.
7: “Men are unromantic.” We do want romance and enjoy it. We just hesitate because we doubt we can succeed. Who can live up to those romance novels?
8: “Men care about appearance.” I’m a little worried to type this quote…”You don’t need to be a size 3, but your man does need to see you making the effort to take care of yourself and he will take on significant cost or inconvenience to support you.”
Shaunti unpacks it and gives you application points to help your relationships. I give it 5 stars and recommend it.
In my next review, we’re taking a look at the ladies in her other book, For Men Only.