Do you feel entitled to something? Does someone owe you something? What about God? Does He owe you something because you’ve been good?
I sometimes feel like God owes me something. It’s audaciously irreverent.
I always identified myself more along the lines of the younger son who left home. In the book, I saw my attitudes changing to that of the elder brother. He had a sense of entitlement because he was obeying his father.
The elder brother got very angry when he didn’t get his way.
Seven days earlier I had written an unpublished post on Vance’s Musings where I yelled at God over our difficulties having a kid. It’s not the first time, either.
I was getting tired of the constant doctor visits, tests, surgeries, worrying, and the never-ending stream of negative pregnancy tests.
When I read that section of the book, I got up and took a walk to think.
A couple of days later in my daily reading with a group, I came across a couple more sentences that stabbed me. We’re going through Live Dead Joy: 365 Days of Living and Dying with Jesus.
I was reading along and came to this quote: “The raw reality is that we do not deserve any of His mercies or truth. He is worthy, and for His pleasure, we were created. He is not created for our will or whim.”
Then this one, “An early indicator of spiritual entitlement is when we are disappointed with God.”
I usually don’t share my feelings with a group. I did that day. I was forgetting which one of us was God.
I don’t deserve anything. Everything I receive is an act of God’s grace—His unmerited favor. Every beat of my heart and every breath I take. He can take it as quickly as He gives it.
I had some repenting to do. I had to remember that He’s God and I’m not.