Man to Man; Day 3 of Weekend To Remember

What happens when you put all the men in one room together without any women? It gets loud. That was the Man to Man session at Weekend to Remember. The women didn’t know what was going on next door.

The guys just talking to the guys, and I took a lot of notes. This post is for guys, and the ladies that want to know what we were talking about next door. Trade secrets and all that.

What’s a man to do?

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

One word. Responsibility. I wrote ‘Extreme Ownership’ beside it. Responsibility for what exactly?

We are responsible for our relationship with Jesus, acknowledging him as the absolute leader in our lives. He’s the boss, we don’t argue with him. (Though I have, and it didn’t end well. Conviction hurts.)

We own our responsibility as husbands to love and lead our wives. The kicker is, I don’t lead because I’m so smart. It’s God putting me there as the head of my wife.

That means I am responsible for the marriage, being accountable to God and not being a bully, boss, or dictator. I wrote two things in my margins, first being that God looks at me before He looks at my wife. The same way my boss asks me why someone under me did this or that.

Secondly, I wrote, am I making it easy for my wife to submit to me?

We’re of equal value. Then Roosevelt, the speaker, said something that hit me between the eyes. His wife asked him a question during an argument. “Are you speaking to me as a parent or a partner?”

Ouch. I asked my wife if I do that.


How are we supposed to do all this?

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church. Ephesians 5:25, 28-29

We are to cherish our wives by being trustworthy, making their load lighter, not heavier, listening to them, praying with them, and putting their needs ahead of our own. In the margin, I wrote ‘What am I willing to sacrifice to help her?’

We nourish them by helping them develop and utilize their gifts and abilities, helping them fulfill their purposes and dreams, showing them and telling them we love them and by making romance a priority. Roosevelt said speak her love language. I wrote a post on that a long time ago after we were married.

He said something else that stuck out to me. “Become a student of your wife. Study her.” When I said that to the group when we all got back together, Kee loved it and Russ laughingly chided me for giving away trade secrets.

That’s our wives’ personal needs, but what about their material needs? Part of our leadership (influence) includes taking the initiative to meet the family’s material needs. Either can be the breadwinner, but we cannot be complacent.

Part of that is managing the money wisely. Roosevelt admitted he’s not so good at budgeting, so he gave the responsibility to his wife; however, he knows where every dollar goes. I have friends that are both equally capable of managing the budget, but the wife is a trained accountant who nerds out on budgeting. She does it for them.

In our family, I do it with the EveryDollar system to make it as easy as I can for my wife. She has the same access I do and can see where every dollar goes.

Protecting our wives goes deeper than I considered.

We have to meet our family’s spiritual and emotional needs. I wrote in the margin that it means leading Casey in prayer and devotion time. I am not that good at doing this consistently.

Here’s the part we like though. Keeping our wives safe from physical harm. That’s just good testosterone-fueled primal stuff right there. I can check that box at least.

I did write in the margin about what it takes to be able to protect them physically though. First, you have to be willing. The will to act. Secondly, you have to be capable, and not in a fantasy hero way that you see on TV. Thirdly, you have to have the capacity. You have to know your limits, Rambo.

I didn’t get that last part from WTR, it’s from prior experience.

Here’s the part that surprised me–shielding her from dangerous relationships. Some friends aren’t good influences. Sometimes our own family will treat our wives poorly.

We don’t let them do that.

That’s not a worry I have. Casey is loved by everyone in my family.

The last part of how we are to relate to our wives is pretty humbling. They said abdicating or abusing our responsibilities as a husband is taken seriously by God. Think about it, if your wife has a relationship with Christ, then she’s one of God’s daughters. That makes God your father-in-law.

Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit…Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. Malachi 2:14-15

If we neglect, give up or are passive with our responsibilities, when we don’t own them, we force our wives to live without us.

If we abuse our responsibilities, we force our wives to either run or retaliate. I wrote this in the margin, ‘Oneness is more important than rightness.’

The next section of Man to Man dealt with kids. I took notes but that doesn’t apply to me yet, if ever. It was a great weekend and I didn’t cover it all. I encourage you to go, it’s a good investment in the second most important relationship of your life.

I have seen an improvement after we got back. My wife hates to read but she’s even reading the books we came back with. We are invested in making this work.

As always, the above-mentioned friends also have a blog where they chronicled Weekend to Remember. I encourage you to read their posts I’ll list here.

Werdehausen Adventures

5 thoughts on “Man to Man; Day 3 of Weekend To Remember

  1. Oooh,, Men-Folk trade-secrets! I love your reference to God as father-in-law … that’s scary intense. Think it would be too much of a stretch to also view him as Mother-in-Law? What MIL would tolerate a DIL disrespecting her son/husband? (Not trying to make a gender statement here, just a thought). 🙂

    “Casey is loved by everyone in my family.” …. Um, Casey is loved by everyone. Full Stop.


  2. The thing I took away from that session is that I must TAKE responsibility. I can’t wait for it to fall in my lap or for it to be forced on me. I have to step up.


  3. Pingback: After A Weekend To Remember | A Ronin's Journey

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