Relationships are both beautiful and messy. Especially in a marriage. Then there are two people coming together to start something new from different backgrounds of tradition and culture. Add to that the different personalities, motivational drives, and routines coming together 24/7, sharing life together. Friction is going to happen.
The Oil for Relationships
“Manners are the lubricating oil of an organization. It is a law of nature that two moving bodies in contact create friction. This is as true for human beings as it is for inanimate objects.” Peter Drucker
“Wives, be subject to your husbands [subordinate and adapt yourselves to them], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.” Colossians 3:18-19 AMP
It’s More Than Being Civil
During premarital counseling, Pastor Jaime told us to put our heads together to decide what was worth fighting about. What are the priorities and areas in your relationship worth defending?
Then only fight if something threatens that.
My wife doesn’t watch a clock, would always be late. I am always early, and get annoyed if I even think we’ll be late. Rather than argue every time, we sat down and discussed it.
She has to be ready to go on time for work, church, and appointments. The rest of the time, I have to chill out. She’s consistent, too, and on the rare occasion we’ll be late. I don’t say anything, it happens. The world still spins.
Keep in mind the long-term perspective as well. How important are the little recurring arguments? Do they actually threaten the relationship or is it over something that annoys you?
Keep your eyes on the future of the relationship. It can end sooner than you imagine. Do you want your last words to your spouse to be angry?
Prioritize. Set your new family’s core values into place together. Defend those. All else is tradition, preference, and opinion. Get a marriage check-up with a counselor or pastor. We still do, kick the tires and all that, every year. We have survived things that have ripped other marriages apart by being committed to the marriage.
It’s much better than the pain of regret, a broken relationship, and the cost of a divorce lawyer.