I believe I have found my niche. Last year, you may recall I had been trying to find more to do, looking at helping homeless people, and other outreaches. While I did not hear anything for a long time due to technical difficulties along with medical issues, I had two others fall into my lap. Saturdays find me setting up and/or tearing down the rooms for deaf church’s Deaf Den, and the 13-week GriefShare program. Then I got an email about the Homeless Ministry that brings complete meals to homeless people along with various other needs. Around the same time, I got an email about the LinkUp Prayer ministry, putting me up to five ministries minus special events.
Leaving after my first day with the Homeless Ministry, I ran into our deaf church pastor. She asked what brought me there that early in the morning; after I filled her in about my morning, I remarked off the cuff that I seemed to be a ‘gap-filler’ that does whatever. She said everyone needs a gap-filler.
After one special event, the Pack Shack party, where we had more than 1300 people packing meals for hungry kids (news story here), I started thinking and remembering the last five years. TimeHop is a good reminder for then and now. 2010-11, starting a little before this blog went up, the sum total of my years was preaching about the wolf mentality, primal blueprint, and ranting about this and that. 2012-13, I spent an inordinate time pounding out political rants fueled by self-righteousness and narcissism on the keyboard. Everyone was wrong; fortunately, I was there to enlighten you. In addition, I was a *cough* warrior…right…until late 2013, that is. Then I spent that time and 2014 trying to find a new normal and piece together the shards.
Altruism and intellectualization were my coping mechanisms; I took on the cleaning ministry primarily get me out of that house. Then I saw the need for it, so it became something I liked to do. It shifted my focus from myself onto others instead. Now in our new home, it is comfortable-a sanctuary without the heavy atmosphere of memories. Escape is not a reason anymore; now it is helping because there is a need, and I enjoy making a small difference at least. Looking back, as a published author, and part owner of Wicked Jester Clothing, I feel more enriched when I am serving others. I do not naturally have a heart for others; it was transplanted during that renovation process I wrote about in Renovating. Like the Grinch’s heart, it is small, but it is growing.