It has been an interesting trip so far, especially as I write the book to see the differences between past and present. I realized I have been working on my body for four years, mind for two and spirit the past few months. By working, I mean with focused progress. Ever since I was baptized again, when I heard the phrase, “Lifelong follower of Jesus Christ” I have been thinking about that means to me. For the past few weeks, I have been wrestling with thoughts of the supernatural and an indwelling spirit inside at work. It is something I have a hard time wrapping my head around, and a conversation with my wife clicked something into place. It is because I am a focused, compartmentalized thinker. I have been trying to put the supernatural/spiritual in a box that I cannot build without a frame of reference. So I buried myself into research, reading, and listening to Christians, agnostics and atheists, weighing it against my own experiences. I know that a person’s inner strength, as great as it may be, still is limited compared to the weight of everything else in the world. Some never have it tested to that point. If I am not applying it, somehow I do not know what to do with myself. It is not quite feelings of insignificance, but uselessness. In my journal, I compared it to a shark that has to keep moving to live. I have made great progress in cleaning out the parts of me I do not like. Like the example in Matthew 12: 43-45:
43 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order.45 Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.”
What do I do when I get tired or the onslaught is too much and I am only operating on my own strength? I slip, stumble, and maybe cannot rise, however if I have help from something greater than me? Then I have a better chance. The thing about the supernatural I’ve learned is it’s to be experienced, the evidence is anecdotal, something people experience and believe in yet don’t fully understand. At least I do not, and I will keep asking questions because I have experienced it at work within me so I want some grasp. After I wrote the draft to this I had this thought that helped put it more into perspective for me. The Holy Spirit is to Christians what the Super Soldier Serum is to Captain America. That pleased my little comic geek heart.