There comes a time when you have to move on, places filled with toxic patterns and/or bad memories. Everything you see and hear serving as a reminder, especially since it has been a year ago today since the accident. In that time, we have been technically living in half of a house, the other part practically cordoned off and used for storage. The flashbacks, once rare, have returned with more frequency; pictures causing me distress and bad memories, I cannot remember any of the good times like there is a block in my head. When I look at the big, empty front yard, I see emergency vehicles, police cars and friends’ vehicles.
Truthfully, I will never forget that day, it is a constant presence. I remember that instant, and the fear of the unknown. Everything immediately after is as vivid as a movie. The burden of being the bearer of bad news, the aftermath, and fear of what was going to happen next.
The moment I went numb, drained of all energy as shock settled in after the adrenaline trickled dry.
I bear it with a bit of sadness and a sigh since dwelling just feeds it. It is better to learn and use it to become better than before, someone we both would like. Stoicism helps to a degree, along with preparing to move clearing my head with the more downsizing I do.
The idea of a smaller place as the captains of our own Destiny is relieving after not having as much control before. Another city, new places, and routines.
A fresh start.