Due to the length of Week 31 I broke it up into two parts…
I had an extremely fucked up dream this week. I died…to become an intelligent zombie with a massive hole in my face. I wandered the land meeting up with a favorite author, his duplicates, and old woman who confirmed that I was indeed dead. In the dream, I also saw my godson in a wedding photo wearing a mask as I traveled to find my wife while fighting zombie killers. Therefore, I woke up with a start, wondering about a world without me, and the ripples from it for my family. Talk about baggage…
I do not generally put much weight in dream interpretation, yet from what I have read the mind is capable of a lot. I have heard that it is your subconscious talking, yet I do not know how well it grasps symbols and meanings. I asked friends, coupled with my own research, only to find some eerie similarities.
The zombie with the hole in his face according to research indicates that you are wandering aimlessly trying to find yourself. The day the he died, I died inside, with traumatic shock suppressing my personality. This book is me coming back from it. The duplicates, this is a guess on my part, is the product of all the books I read and the information that swirls in my head as I process it. The masked godson, research found that masks are a symbol of duplicity in dreams. I can see how that is the case, one of my struggles is with how I remember him at the last moment, and how he lived before that. Zombie Killers? I believe they are the various roadblocks in my way, between the setbacks and the personal feelings about if I should just stay in the pit.
Some think I should, usually I join them in that feeling, except I do not live solely for myself. I have responsibilities and obligations with the most important being a wife that needs me to be the rock to stand on and the shoulder to cry on. She is the one who keeps me sane as well, more than anyone knows. Then there are the people who for some reason look up to me, watch my struggle, and take hope from it so they will push on. Falling back in the darkness fails them all.
Part Two will follow on Thursday.