Back Into The Abyss

Week 30

Slowly climbing out of an emotional pit over the course of the week, combined with putting a bit of closure on a comrade’s life, then kicked back into the pit again. I hope that I found a way out of it permanently, or at the least next time, I will dangle off the edge until I pull myself out again.

The funeral was an eye-opening experience on a good life that had been lived fully, and the day ended with a date with my wife. Later contemplating at home, I came to the realization that I only have three friends, three people that I go out of my way for and to see that live in state with me; every one of them related to me. When one is hurt and/or someone inserts themselves into our plans, together I realized I would seethe with jealousy, hold a grudge, and act like a petulant child. This is not good for relationships and sends me into a self-help book.

We discussed it, got things ironed out, and began moving forward again. Still, I was emotionally exhausted dealing with my anger, impatience, jealousy, and the desire to manage every step. I lacked stability growing up so I go overboard trying to attain it, so I picked up a couple of books. The first one was on embracing and harnessing the power of introversion since frankly, being out among people exhausts me. Too much stimulation. The second was a modern look at the Stoic philosophy, including the psychological methods used by them. I think I found my ladder…

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