Quieter week, more enjoyable, the biggest issue being the Prosecutor’s deal with its added stipulation. He wanted me to relinquish my concealed carry permit, for what reason I’m not sure, though those bothered by it have their suspicions. It did force me to confront another demon, why I had not wanted to carry since the accident.
According to the Government Accounting Office, at least 8 million have permits as of 2011 in the U.S. I am not one of them since December, when I let mine expire before I saw a hint of anything with the negotiations. Reason why is I’ve seen the cost of a bullet on your soul, most haven’t, all they know is what they’ve read, heard or seen on TV. I bear the cost, it fucks with my head, and I would hesitate after that cold dose of reality.
A common saying is ‘it’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it’. I do not operate under that fantasy; a pistol is a tool that fires a lead projectile that is used for defense only when anything less means you die. It’s not a talisman used to keep bad people away, that where situational awareness and knowing what to look for comes into play. You may have to use it, and if a glitch makes you hesitate it will probably be too late to do you any good. One thing that sticks out from my CCW class is this average: three shots within a distance of 3 feet in 3 seconds.
Within 3 feet of me you are within my reach, outside that it takes a rare individual to pull his own pistol before the other person squeezes the trigger. I made peace with this, and can adapt accordingly I am far from helpless.