Do you want to feel good about yourself?
Do not just focus on all of the negative, guess what, you survived. You may be a little worse for wear however, most of that is life tearing away the unessential and leaving the hardiest materials. Strength does not really shine until needed; it sits there until you truly need it.
Look at the setbacks, how can you get your head back into it? Evaluation and sheer force of will. What are your strengths and how can you apply them? What is the problem and how to address it? Cover all bases, develop good habits so you do not tap into the willpower and can use it for things that are more important.
Physically I am deteriorating, bad food choices, and half-hearted attention to my fitness program led to that. To turn that around I found a program you can train almost every day, which will become a habit. I log my foods and macronutrients extensively until I get back to where I want to be. Spare moments at work while waiting on machines to open I drill a mart
ial art’s technique to burn the pathway into my brain. Constantly looking for quotes for WJ, some pop up in the oddest places, and I write them down.
I do not feel productive unless I create something, so I know if I am trained in an area and pointed in that direction I am almost unstoppable. Only reading can I sit still, the rest of the time I am moving and doing something. Focus is still off, better yet will be improved.
This is happening in tandem with the emotional mix of sadness, embarrassment, feelings of worthlessness and questioning myself. Occasionally, reminders of the accident and flashbacks cross my mind. With Christmas approaching its getting harder, the old routines and joys are not the same. Where some take joy in reminiscing while looking at pictures I had not reached that point yet. They serve as a constant reminder that it is not the same or will it ever be the same. All I can think to do is try to fill the gap with something new…