Turbulence Under Still Waters

An excerpt from Week 19 in Ronin’s Journey


Thanksgiving week was an internally chaotic one for me with my mind processing rumors, anxiety, and people drifting apart. I just sit back, observe, and take note of it all. Even those closest to me say I barely express anything, which I always found odd because I thought I did more than they say. Then I saw it in action one day, my wife said something to me one day that made me smile yet she kept looking at me expectantly. I asked her if she saw my smile. The answer was No, just the corners of my face turning up, felt like a big smile though.

I find it creeps people out when they cannot get a read on people. Honestly, depending on my mood I like that just fine except that I have to work a little harder to put people at ease when I am out. I have been asked if I liked people or just tolerated them, which like most things I have to chase down and think about. Generally it is a neutral feeling, people are likable it is that it takes a deep emotional connection honestly, even with those I spend time with.

Depending on your perspective, it can be like a bubble keeping people you do not want to deal with away or make it harder to cultivate relationships you want. It is a double-edged blade where you make yourself open up to those you care about and not be so guarded you do not fully appreciate the relationship. You do open up enough where it is easier to be hurt however holding it in does far more damage. You have to flip the perspective, which sounds like the old glass half-full or half-empty argument but much deeper.
It started out a pretty good week and quickly went downhill. Have you been enjoying these? I’ve been toying with the idea of when the book is published to offer it for free. Thoughts?

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