Over the course of this book, there has been a central theme that organically sprang up. What you perceive versus the reality of the situation; especially during the weeks of paranoia and anxiety combined with the look back at my personal history in the last chapter. During this week there were no less than four instances I had documented in my grief journal.
The first was when I went to the doctor, I’m not fond of needles and look away usually. My perception is ‘its going to hurt’, a common fear. I’ve been working on getting comfortable with the uncomfortable so I watched the needle go in. Nothing. The reality is it did not hurt. It never does, I just think it will and not focus on the fact it does not.
The second was at a deaf event that had a dance floor, and some of the hearing volunteers took to it. The girls were dancing with only two guys on the floor with them. Six or seven more were watching with arms crossed or hands in their pockets. The perception, ‘I look cool and nonchalant; the girls will talk to me’. At least that is what I was thinking when I did it when I was younger instead of the reality of walking onto the floor with them. Make it happen instead of waiting for it.
A friend was almost scammed, which triggered this little voice in their head beating them up. Reality was they lost no money in it; it was caught before that happened. It does not serve you to look at something and curse yourself when you can look at it and go, ‘Well this happened, I stopped it here. What can I do better next time?’ Scam artists are everywhere, and successful enough at conning people they are frequently on the news. Guess what, these people did not catch the con and learned the hard way.
Perception: I fucked up. Reality: Nope.