The Week 14 chapter of Ronin’s Journey was a real breakthrough for me. Where I usually post excerpts of the book this will be the entire chapter broken up since it’s a little long. Starting with sorting through the jumbled mess that is in my head.
Over the past few months I have been wondering where my head is at so I dived into researching the jumbled mess swirling through it. Not sure if I am seeking validation along with an explanation though knowing others have gone through similar is a help. I’ve been looking through books written by Thorin, Col. Grossman, Marc MacYoung, Rory Miller and Peyton Quinn along with various websites to see what is this, how to fix that, etc. Thorin’s books have been good for looking deeper within, Rory’s have helped explain the aftermath of experiencing violence within and without along with Grossman explaining Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and how to head it off. I have made some headway into some flaws and how to overcome them from the books of Marc and Peyton recently.
First though I have to get my thoughts in order, then my life in order and start moving forward. Life turned on its head and a lot seems so trivial, holidays pass without more than a mental note, rarely looking forward to anything so it is time to give it all meaning again. Life’s upheavals are really good at making you reevaluate many things. I would hazard a guess that at some point everyone runs somewhere for advice and comfort even if it is just a book for help.
You have to look within, see what you have to work with, keeping what you can use and tossing what does not. One thing in particular is my insecurity and the irrational fear that is anxiety that it brings as covered in the last chapter; having a distinct lack of control, little stability and a broken home. That will mess with a kid’s head in more ways than you realize. Therefore, I hid behind the guise of various superheroes and later tried to teach myself martial arts because I was afraid of being picked on yet never used them for fear it would not work and I would lose. For the longest time, even into my late twenties I still saw myself as that little kid and not an adult. Time to grow past that and it will take a trip back in time to cut the past loose.