Battle Within

Part of my current book project Ronin’s Journey. An excerpt from Chapter 10.

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I feel that I should be punished so I’m doing it myself by mentally whipping myself since I’ve been forgiven. I do not feel like I should be, but his mother and grandmother have. They see something inside me, more to me and not just them but others as well. Still, I do not seek forgiveness, I seek redemption.

There is a story about a Cherokee legend where a boy asks his grandfather about good and evil. The wise, old man states that inside a person is two wolves in constant battle; one is evil, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, fake pride, superiority and ego. Quite the laundry list of character flaws indeed. The other is good, full of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The winner is decided by which one you feed.

Are they a demon or an angel, a good or an evil spirit, or is it instead different mindsets. I use a similar analogy based on an artist I met whose artwork I saw when we went to DragonCon in Atlanta. One is a black werewolf surrounded by fire, with chains and a wicked looking sword. To me he represents my darkness, filled with rage, hate, pride and unlimited ego and I call him the Rage Hellfire Wolf. The other is a white werewolf, covered in silver armor while standing vigil; he is pure, helpful, good, respectful, and comfortable in his fur. He is who I want to be, the Silent Guardian Wolf and he is my phone’s wallpaper to remind me.

They battle often, with me making choices for the better but the darkness is in my ear, reminding me of my past. While the other is telling me, I am human, the key is to learn from this, educate others from the lessons of my failures, and hopefully it will save lives. Care for those around me and it is when I do this I feel the most powerful. When I am in a group and they are enjoying themselves I will watch, taking in the dynamics, and occasionally offering advice. No harm will come to them while I am present.

What is the war within, a demon or is it I?

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