Respect; A Hands On Kind Of Lesson?

As of late I’ve been studying violence, the different levels, deescalations, if I’m prepared in case I can’t deescalate and it goes hands on. The books and blog of Rory Miller has helped me get a reality check on if I was prepared. Now it’s easier to note the patterns of social violence, and which part of my brain is working at the moment: the ancient lizard hindbrain (survival), monkey brain (social) or the human (logical). A story of this in action occurred while I was on vacation with my wife’s family.
We were at the Garden Of The Gods in Southern Illinois. I was up here with my father-in-law (he was hit by a jeep and drug under it while on his motorcycle), mother-in-law, Brother & sister-in-law and niece and nephew. While hiking a short paved trail one guy asked him if that was his “climbing cane”(average cane). And Daniel just looked and ignored him, and I almost asked “What the hell is wrong with you?” to the idiot as adrenaline spiked.
Then my mind flashed ‘this is a Monkey Dance‘ (when egos clashed/social dominance) and started weighing pros and cons.
• I say something, he apologizes
• He swings and it does become a Fight that Daniel already walked away from and that I pushed.
• His friends step him and we have a brawl on top of a bluff.
• And inevitably all end up in jail complete with court costs and a record.

My first definition was off I realized as I walked away, I was about to respond to disrespect to another, that’s an Educational Beatdown. Not my ego on the line, just something that clashed with me. I could tell walking away was hard on Daniel’s ego. Yay, monkey mind. Egos are dumb, remember that. A benefit of being self-actualized (not needing validity from others) is the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is actually true. For someone who claims they don’t need validity from others, is one prick worth going to jail over just to teach them a lesson (who’ll you’ll probably never see again, unless it’s in court). Just leave, fuck that guy (or girl) and find the company of someone who returns the basic respect you give others.
By dropping down into the emotional monkey level you’re playing their game and taking a nobody’s remark personally. That’s not operating on a higher level, and we’ve all fell or almost fell to the lower levels.
I’m sure I’ll get lots of comments on this one.

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