Sorry I haven’t been posting as of late. I have been on a bit of an internal walkabout. Awhile back, I proofread and edited a book entitled Unchained by Thorin. A good…no…great book but while I ‘read’ it, I only read it with an editor’s eye for mistakes, structure and understanding. After my preorder came in I started to reread it but it was fresh enough in my mind I couldn’t finish. I could not give it the focus it demanded.
Then one day a friend said he’s sending others and me something. Ooh-kay. When it arrived, it was the exercises from the book. Moreover, the analyst I am, I was inspired to do the same; though my ego said I’m fine, this is just me kicking the tires. When I was editing I did one exercise, learned a bit, cool…whatever. I’m Ronin, by definition I am masterless. So I thought…
I started with the 17:06 exercises, which are a free writing purge that lets your subconscious come through to your hands. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed, set a quiet timer (no beeps as it counts) for 17 minutes and 6 seconds. The book gives you questions, one a day for a week, and without forcing let your thoughts become words on paper or computer. Let them flow, don’t censor yourself, for at least 17:06. Timer sounds and you have more to say, silence it and keep going. I went to 55 minutes one day. You may have seven questions but its expandable, I dealt with a relative, miscarriage and my fears in separate ones. Thorin covers parents, past loves, love, self-esteem, and revisits what had the most words, and closes with one on how to find peace.
The key is when you go back the next day to look for pure emotion and insights. This was enlightening to me as I noticed a lot of my behavior was rooted in my past. So I was being controlled by my past. If you read “Why Ronin?” in Growls Of A Wolf I said being Ronin, being masterless was originally a goal but I had made it. Apparently not, I was still a scared, neglected kid deep inside. And after the pure emotional purge that is comes with this, I found I felt at peace, but wandering. I just realized not everything that I thought I was is as cut and dried as it appeared. So I had a chance at a rebirth, but I needed to get to know myself again without this baggage. Thorin gives the reader three ways to deal with those that hurt you in the essay following the 17:06 section and I began working on that. As for getting to know myself, that is the next post.